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A few to see you through
by steve on Tue Jun 03, 2008 3:55 pm
A few to keep you going
DOCTOR JOKE
A man walks into a doctors for his appointment.
"Okay doc... erm, I am pretty embarrassed about this, well the thing is..." says the man
"Oh come now, I have seen it all before" replied the doctor
"My penis is orange" said the man
"Orange? How come? Do you work with hazardous chemicals all day?" asked the doc
"No, I am unemployed" sheepishly said the man
"So what do you do all day?" replied the doc
"Watch porn all day eating wotsits" said the man
BALLYKISSANGEL
Father Patrick was talking to his replacement in a small village church.
‘Father Michael,’ he says, ‘you’ll be looking after my flock from now on.’
‘But where do I start?’ the young priest replies. ‘You’ve been hearing confessions for over 50 years, I’ll be lost.’
‘Don’t worry,’ says Father Patrick, ‘I’ve written a list of sins and absolutions on the wall in the confessional box. Look up the sin and it will tell you next to it what to say. After a while you’ll get to know the congregation and you’ll be okay.’
One week later, Father Michael is sitting in the confessional box looking at his mentor’s list when his first visitor arrives.
‘Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,’ says a female voice. ‘I had to give my husband a gobble last night.’
The priest searches the wall but can’t find the correct reply anywhere. In desperation he pulls open the curtain of the box and stops a choirboy.
‘Oi! What did the old priest give for a gobble?’
‘A Kit-Kat,’ the lad replies.
TEXAS
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said,
"I had to walk home."
DOCTOR JOKE
A man walks into a doctors for his appointment.
"Okay doc... erm, I am pretty embarrassed about this, well the thing is..." says the man
"Oh come now, I have seen it all before" replied the doctor
"My penis is orange" said the man
"Orange? How come? Do you work with hazardous chemicals all day?" asked the doc
"No, I am unemployed" sheepishly said the man
"So what do you do all day?" replied the doc
"Watch porn all day eating wotsits" said the man
BALLYKISSANGEL
Father Patrick was talking to his replacement in a small village church.
‘Father Michael,’ he says, ‘you’ll be looking after my flock from now on.’
‘But where do I start?’ the young priest replies. ‘You’ve been hearing confessions for over 50 years, I’ll be lost.’
‘Don’t worry,’ says Father Patrick, ‘I’ve written a list of sins and absolutions on the wall in the confessional box. Look up the sin and it will tell you next to it what to say. After a while you’ll get to know the congregation and you’ll be okay.’
One week later, Father Michael is sitting in the confessional box looking at his mentor’s list when his first visitor arrives.
‘Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,’ says a female voice. ‘I had to give my husband a gobble last night.’
The priest searches the wall but can’t find the correct reply anywhere. In desperation he pulls open the curtain of the box and stops a choirboy.
‘Oi! What did the old priest give for a gobble?’
‘A Kit-Kat,’ the lad replies.
TEXAS
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said,
"I had to walk home."
